Just wanted to go to the bathroom

After church, in the cab. I still remembered the word of God delivered by the priest Ignatius Lamartta. My ears are still ringing by the questions that had been flung, "And the dear in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are the owner of everything. About what you choose, heaven or hell? 'Simultaneously the congregation in a loud voice and said almost together,' Heaven!'

At the time I just stay quiet. I have no idea what I would choose. I also do not know where and what is the best place to be the end of my journey. I'm really confused with the two options. But is not God is All-knowing, all over everything. Why are humans so decisive? Are not we often hear, that any man can plan, but still God disposes. I should have been aware of it all. But somehow, my mind becomes insane and could not accept it. Why do I have to think of heaven or hell. Is not the Lord see, and not stupid. I think God already knows to determine the best, and where to put all people on earth.

Every time I'm back aware of the existence and position as a creature of his creation, and the power of God. But why am I still not satisfied, and have not been able to accept it gracefully. My thoughts instead be fighting alone, the questions that haunt me, and can not disappear from my brain.

"It's going where?" Said taxi driver surprising musings.

"Uh, oh, sorry, the road that lies ahead is turning left. Towards the New Town, "I answered quickly. But after that I settled back down in my own struggle. "I'm sorry, if you do not mind, I would like to ask. I do not know the problem I'm facing right now, "I did not continue what I said. I want to see the reaction of the taxi driver. But after waiting a few seconds later, it turns out he did not show any reaction. He just looked at me a moment, then returned his gaze straight ahead direction, the direction of the highway.

"Honestly ..." Finally I decided to continue what I said earlier. "I could not finish the problems that exist in my mind. But really, before I want to apologize in advance, if my question offends you later. But if you object to my question is, you do not have to answer it."

"What is it sir?" He even asked. "It looks really very serious. If I could, I would help. But if not, yes …" He shrugged his shoulders.

"You choose what the hell to heaven?"

"It is clear to heaven!"

I was very surprised by the answer father was a taxi driver. He answered very quickly. In fact that is in the mind; at least, he'll settle down and think for a moment. But instead he turned to answer quickly, definitely, and loudly. That answer was exactly what I've heard time in the church. The churches are all answered without the least thought-I do not know if they are thinking or not, but I think so. All of them also respond very quickly, surely and loudly.

"Sorry," I said quietly, "I am discouraged to go home. Will you accompany me around for a while in this city? I want to try looking for opinions and to ask other people."

"Wah, wah, wah …" A taxi driver looked at me in the rearview mirror. His face was glowing. "My job is to deliver," he said again, "The more I deliver, I am certainly more happy, thereby earning my money will grow. With all pleasure, I want to deliver to the Master wanted to go anywhere."

I myself also do not know, what has made me to decide this desire. I really have not been satisfied. I want to find answers from others. I just wanted to know about whether or not an answer other than I've ever heard before.

Up of police, doctors, artists, teachers, the ice, journalists, postal workers, students, people who were sitting waiting for a bus at the bus stop, parking attendants, roving photographers, security guards, rickshaw drivers, as well as to people who were milling around on the street . But all the answer I got still the same. In fact I had asked a homeless man who was very skinny and live one on one breath, but he still managed to reply, "Hhorrgaa!"

It was not very clear answer. Probably already too old homeless man did not eat, so its power is dwindling to say something. Honestly in my heart, I feel sure the answer he was referring to heaven. But somehow I still want to make sure what I've heard. I gripped her shoulders with both hands, and I was shaking her. "You want to go to hell?" I asked excitedly.

But he was not able to issue a word. He took a deep breath. After struggling up the energy, but when he was about to say something, he even coughed. Then he shook his head quickly. "Oh ..." I said, "So you want to go to heaven?"

Homeless man with a direct fast nodded. Just when I took off the hand grip from the shoulder, he fell back, with his back hit the pavement hard. Panting breath, and chest looked down up. But he still managed to smile at me.

I'm so confused myself; why everyone chose heaven, not hell. Though no one knows how the situation in both places, there are people who have never been there and tell it to us. Especially to me.

I never ask the cause or reason that I asked everyone, so why do they get to choose and give me the answer. Because I do not want to disturb or offend outlook on life. And after all religions in this world that so many in number, so I do not want to make my question will be to intervene during this point of view of his life. And I do not want to offend my questions will also be considered confidence matters. Because if the question continues to look for the reason, must be headed in the direction of God. When it leads to Get There-God-in fact it will be more complicated, it could be later misinterpreted this question, and becomes increasingly erratic. For as much as possible I try to avoid it. Because when it talks about God, of course there will be no end of the base. After all God is not about human affairs with men but with God. So I took the decision not to extend this by asking the reason of their answers.

But I was not affected at all with all the answers from people who ask. I was not satisfied, and can not accept it. Now, I became increasingly confused, and dazed by this thinking.

The night was getting late and the fog-mist had begun to flap its wings to wade through this town. While I sat there in the cab car with all the thoughts going on in my brain. "Please, I asked to be taken home," I said then. "I was very tired. And of course you are also more tired than me."

"Sorry," said taxi driver. His tone seemed doubtful. "Do you okay?"

"Why? Not … I'm fine! What is it, "I said, bewildered.

"I'm sorry, it's okay ..." he said, "Well if it's okay sir!"

During the journey to the house I'm just quiet. But in my mind thinking it still settles, it may even have spread the roots over there. And I really can not get rid of it.

One and a half hour on the way home, I still stick with the conditions as before. The atmosphere in the cab as well so it feels stiff. Even the music that originally came from the radio tape it also has been turned off by the father of a taxi driver to drive me home since. Perhaps he noticed my discomfort, so he did not feel uncomfortable and do not want to bother. Though I did not care about it all, but I keep it. I also told him not to turn on the radio tape it. I'm feeling lazy, just to talk or pay attention to other trivial things.

Arriving in front of the house. "How much?" I asked, glancing at the numbers listed in a number of machines on the meter, four hundred and eighty-three thousand four hundred and seventy-five. Then I pulled the bill from his wallet, "It's his money," I said, holding out a stack of bills on the driver's cab. "Count again, will not ..." I enter the wallet into my pocket, "Less?"

"There, there, already!" He said.

"Thank you very much, sir!" I get up from my seat, then opened the car door and immediately stepped out of the cab. "Bukk!" The sound generated from the time I closed the car door.

"It's still no change, sixteen thousand five hundred and two pu-"

"Please take it!" I interrupted.

"Thank you very much, sir."

"You're welcome!" I said, walking toward the fence, pushing and stepping foot into the house.

Arriving at the house, I went straight to my room and lay back on the bed. My eyes were naked staring at the ceiling. Over it all, my thoughts kept wandering to the events that had just experienced.

Question after question, thought by thought kept going on in my brain. I was really tired and resigned. I could not dismiss all of which lodged in the brain and mind. God knows how long I wrestled with those thoughts, until finally I do not remember anything else. And slept soundly.

Departing from my sleep anxiety, made me dream. Even in the dream thoughts is transformed into a black shadow flashed as if surrounded from all sides. The black shadow flashed sometimes apparent, sometimes disappearing very quickly. But his voice is very loud and seemed about to break my eardrums. “Honestly, where are you going to go?? Heaven or hell?"

Black shadow flashed it keeps forcing me to answer. But I was silent. I also can not give the best answer to the end of the journey of my life.

Sees the still silent and not give the answer he wanted, a black shadow flashed it starts to repeat the question again in a louder voice. But I remained silent and did not give an answer. Glimpse the silhouette became very angry, and then pulling, hitting, and also kicked in repeatedly. I really do not know what to do. I really can not decide which one is best for the end of the journey of my life. Until I got back was silent.

Saw a silent, black shadow flashed it's not just angry, but anger. His voice is getting deafening, and I've been in so much pain to listen to his voice. "Where are you going? Heaven or hell?"

The black shadow flashed an all-out beat me blindly. I kicked, hit, slammed, trampled, suffocated … and who knows what else.

"Brakk!"

I fell out of bed. Awakened from my sleep. Apart from a very scary dream. I immediately stepped out of my room. "Oh, ye, Nur ..." I said with relief.

"Did you just wake up, the door was locked?"

"Lost, Nur," I replied as she walked.

" Where are you going?"

I immediately stopped me. I also turned me around and stared into the face Nur. "Ah, oh, no … I, I just want to go to the bathroom!"

*****