Life is very sickening

The woman named Allany, age 26 years. Now, she's no longer care about me. She no longer loves me. She is married, exactly half a year ago. But that makes me not believe it, she never gave me the freedom to enjoy life.

I can not go anywhere I liked, although I do not know will go anywhere. To be honest I could have run away to leave, but somehow I could not. Looks like I have a heart that can not easily forget the memories we've lived together, although I must say now is a different direction. Even the days after her wedding, she was always doing rude to me, and that she did to me until now. I must admit, I did not know me completely, so I do not know exactly what I decided to stick with love and still loyal to him.
Ten years ago, the days we spent laughing is always full of jokes. We are very happy. Almost all of the time we spent together, jogging in the park, shopping to the supermarket, beach vacation, traveling on city streets, and there are very many other places we visited. We always shared bath; with a gentle hand constantly rubbing my back, down to the most private organ, foam shampoos and soap bubbles colored balloons and bears witness to the beauty we've ever had. At that time I was very confident, she is also happy to do so, see the sparkle and her smile, she loved me so sincerely. She always treated me like a prince. We always slept in one bed, naked under the covers, stroking each other until bedtime.

One day, precisely on what I've forgotten; a wild mind said to me, perhaps more accurately warned me: 'It seems, so far only me who judge her too much, I mean, she did not really love me, even if true, love that she had not as great as I have. I was soon to prove that the real action happens. Vicky is going to be my goal, Vicky will I make the bait. Vicky is my neighbor. At that time I accidentally took Vicky talking in the garden behind the house, so that one day Allany could see from his room. And sure enough, when we were deep in conversation, suddenly came Allany while angry. Allany also carry a knife. I do not know if Vicky accidentally brought a knife and wanted to stab me, or is it just a coincidence. I mean, Vicky was cooking, the chance to see me, because emotions have mastered it, she did not realize that was still holding the knife when approached. His eyes were red and glassy, ​​looking like mad and want to cry. I'm also not sure whether she was really angry and wanted to see me cry because mingle with Vicky, or due to peeling onions. Allany shouting very loud thunder: "You do not know myself!" She approached me while directing the tip of the knife right in my face, "Go home! Do not want to go home! Go home! "Vicky ran home frightened, she jumped over the fence of our house. I soon realized my mistake, I've hurt Allany, I immediately apologized to him. And at that moment I felt very confident; Allany also loved me, like I love her.
Since the incident, our relationship even more intertwined with the very kind and cordial. We have always been inseparable. Almost every day we were always together, welcoming the morning, enjoying the beauty of life. I really never imagined, in the life of the all profanity and pathetic, actually I live like in heaven. I do not think there are words that can express these feelings. I'm very happy at all.

Two years ago, during the summer, and Allany I was sitting in the garden enjoying the morning air. Initially I myself forget how, because by then I was so eager to enjoy the morning air, and noticed the beautiful trees and grass that grows fresh green. Suddenly I accidentally turned toward Allany, and just then I found Allany was clashing with a view of men. At first they were both embarrassed. The man was sitting on another bench, a distance of ten feet from our seats. Because I feel confident Allany love me, I did not have bad thoughts to her. Maybe, they just admire each other, or just want to become acquainted, I thought. So I took the initiative to close the distance each of them, I went to him, and asked him to be closer to Allany. They shake hands and say his name. The man was named, Jordan.

Since our introduction to Jordan, he often visited us at home. Then the three of us often take the time to go with. Everything looks normal, nothing special, we play and full of laughter. But on the days that followed, Jordan and Allany often went alone, without taking me. They were forced, I did not participate. I admit, at first I was jealous, but, I think they could be trusted. finally I did not mind them going off. All day I waited for them at home, alone.

Day after day goes as usual, very normal. One day when I wake up, I was startled by the sound of boisterous, laugh and joke. I even heard the clink of glasses clashing. Party, I thought. As I was going out of the room, locked the door. I shouted desperately, I knocked on the door, but until my energy runs out, and I was exhausted; no one who opens the door. About an hour later boisterous voice is gone, completely silent. I'm sure everyone in this house has gone. But I also do not have the slightest bad thought on them, especially in Allany. Maybe the door is locked by accident, probably thinking I'm going Allany, maybe she did not know if I was in this room, maybe … And many more words may be lodged in my head, until the summit ends on a disturbing feeling that I felt unsure . The new long wait ended when it was late at night; Allany and Jordan arrived, they opened the door and immediately hugged me. At that moment my emotions just go away, such as water-soaked fire and smoke appeared and disappeared somewhere. After we had satisfied each other's arms, they both looked at me and they both look very strange, unusual, different clothes they do not like the way they wear. If I remember correctly, all my life I have never seen them dressed like that. Allany wearing a long white dress and lace, while Jordan wore a black suit and shiny black shoes. Their faces full of makeup too. Their hair is neatly combed. I'm very sure, that they were after attending a party, I thought. But it has not been missing the feeling shocked, they both show ring on their finger; "We have been married!" She said almost simultaneously. They are both very happy smile. They held me back. After that they both walked away leaving me. I do not know what to say, I do not entirely understand what they mean to talk like that. I really do not know what to do.

Since that time I was no longer sleeping in bed Allany, a man named Jordan who has replaced the position. And I also have to accept when they told me to sleep on the sofa near the television. Now, they both seemed to think I was not there, even if true, I'm sure they do not think I am. A night-whether what day, what month, what time, I forgot, when everyone knew I was good about remembering, but somehow I can not forget the incident which I think is a very important event in my life. I could not sleep, I'm so cold. And the devil knows where that had gotten into my mind, I suddenly have the courage to knock on their bedroom. Because I did not get a response, I was angry out of control. I break down the door. I almost fell crashing into a small table near the closet, the door was not locked, flew open wide and hit the wall. Allany and Jordan looked at me sharply. I'm sure they were very surprised by the arrival of a sudden, but I also believe they are both mad at me. Not long after Allany out of the blanket, and asks: "What?" But I have another meaning, the same tone when she said: "What's the hell are you doing!" Allany grabbed my arrival with a high note with the impression of hating. But my eyes clearly see who is in front of me, and it turns out Allany half naked, wearing only his underwear, white in color. Ladder legs walked slowly toward me. "I have a present for you," she said with a tone of quiet. Allany opened the cupboard and pulled out a box made of wood. I do not know, somehow, every time I contact with Allany, I was always powerless, automatically, made me slow to react. Allany hugged me, and gently rubbed his hand back. I was lulled for a moment and feel very comfortable. Not long after Allany go left, and returned to bed; in which Jordan was smiling to welcome the return of Allany. Just when I would follow Allany; not playing surprise, it turned out I was bound. It turned out without me knowing it, Allany been tied with an iron chain; the other end around his neck and tied the other end at the foot of the wardrobe. I still think this is a joke, so I looked back and tried to take it off, but apparently not, seriously, I really tied to an iron chain. Is this what you mean gift, I thought. Of course I'm angry, but just as I turned my gaze to the bed; Allany and Jordan are making out, they make love in front of my eyes.

Since the incident I often contemplate my life and think about what kind of world is this I lead, which is always, always, and always end up feeling not sure that is very disturbing, it is very complicated. I mostly spend my time alone. I no longer greet them, maybe they also think what's the point to greet me, I do not know.

A series of bitter events like rain, and I'm stuck in the season, received this soaking. And the culmination of all the bitter events that happened a week ago, like thousands of lightning storms and grabbed me, hit me repeatedly. Hot air that afternoon, I decided to swim in the pool behind the house, I bare myself to let the cool water to infiltrate the pores of the skin on my body the wrinkles. When I was busy enjoying the pleasures that I put myself alone, although to be honest I do not feel completely happy, maybe this is just a release of fatigue, for a moment forget that the problem was I was in, though I doubt it could forget. Suddenly my eyes caught a pair of eyes watching me as well. "I'm sure not Vikcy," I said to myself, as reminded. "She is young and beautiful." I may be old, but I'm not senile. My memory is always good. I do not know, what moves me until I dared to ask her to join me. 'Shoot be loved side dish arrived' so the saying goes. In short she wants with my wishes. Before long, we've been in the water, we were naked, play splashing water. Once we were satisfied to swim and play, we agreed to take a break to unwind. We lay on the grass at the edge of the pool, our sun, and we are still naked.

For several minutes we were silent. My eyes fixed on the far blue sky, and my mind slipped in among the white clouds; find myself with my past. Suddenly I seemed to feel very stupid, maybe I was stupid from the first, but only this time I know it; ignorance during which haunt life and blinded me. What exactly have I done in my life, I thought. What kind of world are live. Loyalty, love, sacrifice, devotion … It was just nonsense.
I'm turning my head right at the same time, the woman next to me did the same, our eyes make eye contact with each other. There is a kind of passion flowing through me, flicking sparks in me a freeze. She looked at me with a blush. Between fear and want, I move the feet to touch the thighs of women next to me, but I made so do not look intentional. But she said nothing, she even smiled at me. I dared to go further, I rub my legs with his foot. When skin contact with the skin, blood-turbulence turbulent swishing, my heart was racing faster. I was more courageous, I kissed her cheek. She said nothing. I was much more daring, I kissed her lips. To be honest there are also attacked by feelings of fear, when she suddenly angry with me, let alone she did not respond. I can not deny, I honestly had long tired of playing with my own sex. Did not mean to disrespect women next to me, but that's what I did, it might spark a bigger chunk of ice has melted within me. I went dark eyes, kissing me more incentive to launch. Not long after she shyly kissing me back. Until we finally kiss the heat involved. Our tongues intertwined. For a moment she removed himself from my arms, she turned to me, lowered his head. Spontaneous course I was fascinated when my eye caught a number of thin hair on the side of the vagina. I uncovered a passion with fine hairs with my tongue, and I kiss her pussy lips. My cock throbbing. Slowly she began to widen her legs, like a cue that I may finish my work soon. Slowly I began to touch the tip of my cock in her pussy lips, before I sank it. And right at that moment the sound of 'Bukk!'. The sound was very loud at all, and I felt pain in my back. Shock defeat my pain, I immediately looked back; looks Allany in front of me with a raised holding a broom. I, very much at all that comes to my mind, everything is mixed. I was stunned silence, staring at the Allany. "Dog Shit!" Allany hit me harder again, this time in my head. Which occurred at the time, I felt very embarrassed, very embarrassed indeed. Embarrassment to the woman who was with me. By no means do I feel sick, but shame is much more painful than a blow from the hand broom Allany. I immediately turn around and want to apologize to the women with me, but she was not there. I think she is running scared; see Allany angry and holding a broom.

"Damn Dog" Allany hit me again, "Go!" I started to follow his orders. But just as I reached the front door, steps to block Jordan. Jordan looked at me, laughing scornfully. When I was going through his legs, all of a sudden without ever knew, Jordan sent a kick to the stomach, hard. I was knocked out, my head hit the corner of the door posts, the temples were torn and bloody. I tried to get up, but my head was spinning in circles, I was giddy, and fell again. And out of consciousness, they carried me into the house. I have to say between the good and the foolish are difficult to distinguish, only a very thin labyrinth once that limit. I became confused pass judgment on myself, I actually categorized as 'good' or 'stupid'. Evidently, even though I've got rough treatment from them, I still think positively. I mean, I do not question: why are they so angry with me, but I think the cause of all other possibilities. Maybe they did not intentionally, perhaps they are experiencing stress, and maybe this, maybe it is, and many others possible. I think they have realized his mistake for being rude to me, and now they regret it. And for the umpteenth time that it was wrong: it turns out they took me into the house is not for nothing, not a well-intentioned; apparently entered the house just ride by, they took me from the back door, went into the house, and headed for the door front of the house, and threw me to the front fence, such as taking out the trash.

"Don’t ever come back again, Dog Shit!" Vituperation Allany booming sound.

"Go hell, Damn Dog!" Curse Jordan.

Then they go back into the house, shut the door.
Now I realize, they do not need me anymore, they have been dumped. Finally, I decided to go, although I must say also, if I was not really entirely gone. A long road in front of my eyes, stretched boundless, but I do not know where the legs will take me.

Every time I meet someone, they shout: "Mad Dog!" I had to run away, even though my feet are fragile, but still have to keep running I force somehow. To be honest, I did not mind the new my degree, but I can not stand the stones they throw at me. Not to mention the matter is completed, new problems have emerged, I had to escape pursuit by those who would put me in the shelter. I know, but to me the shelter is a cruelty in disguise. The shelter was not unlike a place for slaughterhouse waste, like me.
I know, life is hard, too sickening. Paradise lost. Fire is present at the terminus seconds of the last breath of my life. Now, I must face reality; homeless, hopeless, Loveless … Sympathy? I often hear people say that, but they did not do anything, but it does not matter, anyway I do not need it. But I must say also, I had trouble distinguishing the real meaning of life itself; whether a 'gift' or 'curse'. But I'm not likely to commit suicide, since the days of our ancestors until this moment, there is no history of my people do stupid and cowardly as that of humans. Whatever happens I will live my life, although any heavy obstacles that I faced, I will maintain my breath until the end time. I believe there must be another way to give themselves more productive in life, life, and the world.

*****